Solitude

The world of social media can be a place of both community and seclusion. There is a sense of being right there with people. Of being able to connect with someone in a split second. Then there is the flip side where it can also make you feel very excluded from the world and social interactions.

Feeling alone is something that is a regular emotion for me. I could be surrounded by people and yet I feel as though I have no one to turn to. There can be all these people who I follow on social media that I may call ‘friends’ but the reality is it’s just one person looking in on everyone else’s fun times they choose to post. There is the sense of feeling connected and yet deep down I really don’t feel it and how many would actually stop to say hello if I saw them in the street.

I have people I talk to, people I can laugh with and who I enjoy spending time with. But it often feels like they go away to other friends or other aspects of their lives and I was just this really small part that didn’t mean much. Yet I appreciate them greatly. I know this feeling is partly due to the fact that I do get anxiety and over think a lot of things in regards to people and friends but the feeling is still there. The feeling that when the world goes quiet and my mind is loud that I don’t really have many people I feel I can always turn to.

I often feel like I’m bothering people. That they have their own things going on and I don’t want to pile my troubles on to them. It becomes easier to just keep it to myself instead of worrying about what they may think or how they’ll react.

These people I still want to help and support. They are people I care about very much and I constantly want to be around. I hope that one day my mind will allow me to receive the same back. To feel like I am worth enough to receive the same back and that I am not in fact bothering people. And that outside of all the social media ‘show’ that there will be a feeling of support and togetherness. Actually realising that I do in fact have people around.

Do you ever get feelings of loneliness or as though you’re bothering people? How do you overcome it?

Love, Me

An Exhausted Week

The past week and a bit for me has been quite the rollercoaster. It has felt like the week just flew past and also that it seems so long ago that things happened. I usually judge my weeks by Thursday to Thursday in a way. Mainly because it is the day I work and when I get out of work it feels like that ‘week’ leading up to it has finished. So I figured I would do an update across a few general topics about whats been happening this past week, plus a few extra days.

Health

I’m not sure if it’s been the cold weather which has affected a flare up or my CFS/M.E is just flaring up again on it’s own. Or maybe a bit of both but this past week has not been the best. I started to really notice it last Thursday I think. I have been a lot more exhausted and the joint/ muscle pain has been far more noticeable. My nausea has been coming on more often as well to the point where I’ve actually been throwing up. I’ve also had some horrible headaches and a bunch of other small symptoms which usually tag along with everything else. This level of it all is something that hasn’t happened too regularly lately, not since I had to cut back on things and actually focus on resting and watching what I do. I’ve had more moments of laying down in-between small tasks and trying to shower on days where I didn’t need to do other things that needed a lot of energy. It has been tough on the mental state as well.

School

I’m quite thankful that I choose to study online before I had my relapse because it now makes things a little easier to manage when I am feeling more unwell. I have been struggling to focus recently though and just getting through the work has proven to be a real struggle. I am hoping that my health allows me to catch up a bit on stuff this weekend.

Life

Generally my everyday life this past week has been different. My parents (who I live with) were away for about a week and a half. So I had been looking after the dog and also just enjoying having the house to myself for a little. I think the extra work with all of that didn’t exactly help my health flare up though. The first few days were ok and then from last Thursday I started to notice things more. I did get to met up with a friend for coffee when I was still feeling kinda ok and picked up some art supplies. I want to try a hobby that doesn’t involve a screen or downloading information into my mind. I think having an outlet where I can just let things happen will help and so far it’s been enjoyable even though I’m still learning.

Overall this past week has been a struggle. Sometimes life just gets a bit like that and I’m hoping next week improves a little at least. 

What have you all been getting up to over the past week and a bit?

Love, Me

How To Find Blog Post Ideas

How do I find blog post ideas? What can I write about? Would things I want to write actually be an interesting blog post topic? Will having pre planned ideas help my blogging?

These are questions I’ve been wondering and asking myself ever since I started blogging and since I made the decision to come back to my blog. Part of my reason for blogging is because I like having an outlet to place my thoughts but the other part is a desire to create content that other people will enjoy.

So I decided to sit down and actually figure out what I wanted to do with this blog. What I envisioned sharing and what I personally found interesting. Since doing that I came up with a few ideas to help find that next idea I could write about.

Interests

There is a range of things I find interesting or have as a hobby. While some may not always be what other people enjoy, the passion I have for them will hopefully transfer into my writing. If I enjoy writing and sharing it then that to me is important and perhaps other people will learn something from it too.

Lifestyle

Sharing my life is something that has always influenced my desire to blog. I don’t always have the most exciting life but it is still filled with small things that add up. Whether it be a small day trip, a trip to an amazing coffee place or just the outfits I decided to wear one week. I always want to show some of the normality to life as well and this in itself can provide a whole area of things to blog about.

Niche

The targeted audience I write for has been something I’ve never been too sure about. I have the fellow spoonies or people that also suffer with a chronic illness and then I have people that just enjoy reading what I have to say (well I hope!). I am constantly reading that a blogger should find their niche and focus on that. It’s something I shall work on figuring out but also just start writing for me.

Advice

Even though I am still young, I still think I have some advice or just thoughts on a range of topics. Theres something nice about hearing another persons thoughts or experiences on things. I also see this section as a way to share things I’ve learnt and perhaps help other people learn something new. I am constantly trying to improve my knowledge on different subjects and it could also be a good way to document all the new things I’ve learnt.

My blog and blogging in general is always going to be a working progress for me. Having a rough idea of different topics and sections I can find inspiration from will help as I navigate all this again.

I am interested to know what you do to find inspiration though. Do you have a set guideline? Also what things would you like to read from me? 

Love, Me

Trying Again

Hello

It certainly has been a while since there’s been any word from me recently. The past year and a half has been a rollercoaster of new experiences and others things to take my time and focus. I’d often thought about my blog at various times over that time. Wondering how I could get back into it. How I’d find the drive to start writing again. Mixed with a general not knowing how exactly to start. I didn’t want to just post once and then disappear again. Blogging brought me so much enjoyment when I first started and I wanted, for myself, to be able to continuously keep it consistent and find that happiness again. I suppose it just hasn’t been the right time. Until now.

At the beginning of last year I found a job. After searching for a year to find something I finally got hired and started working in a local supermarket. It was something far from the makeup and beauty that I had not long finished my diploma in. It was a job though and for that I was pleased. It also allowed me to do a few more things that I had once been unable to do due to lack of money. I also became more able to cope with the feelings of being stuck. The next chapter of my life had started.

Within that year and a bit I managed to do a few things for myself. By visiting beautiful places in my own country and generally getting out and doing things I’ve been wanting to do for a while.

While there were still some really difficult moments where I battled with my mind and the side-effects of just living life, there were still smiles to be had and moments of enjoyment. I saw some of my most favourite people and just took each moment as it came. I had even picked up some more study to continue learning and try find my place in the world of careers and jobs.

Fast forward to now. I’ve had a relapse of my M.E/ Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and I’m back to working very little and being unable to do a lot of things I’d like to be doing. I started struggling at around the end of last year. Fatigue setting in. Pain coming on a lot quicker and more apparent. I got to the stage where the fatigue was bringing on my nausea and I was needing more and more days off work because I was actually being sick with more and more symptoms coming on. I was really struggling to function on any level.

Thankfully my doctor was helpful, as was work. I now work much less but am managing all my symptoms that much better. In the end my health comes first and while it seems like I’ve taken a huge step back I can only work forward from here. Perhaps on a different path than what I was imagining but still hopefully on a path forward.

So that brings me to my blog. I feel as though the timing is right now to start writing again. To start sharing my life as I make the journey forward. Having a place to vent and release things going on in my mind is beneficial and I hope that it can possibly help others as well. Sometimes this world can be very scary and lonely. We all need a place to escape and feel less alone. I hope this blog can become that.

Love, Me

The past and the present

As I lay in my old room in a house that I once spent almost 6 months living in, my mind races once again about things that have happened and things that are yet to happen. Familiar places bring back memories and I’m taken back to this time last year where I was nearing the end of my studies. Coming to the end of one of the most productive years I’ve had. The year in which I up and moved 5 hours away from my family and familiar surroundings. The year my health finally allowed me to do more than just shower before sending me to bed in exhaustion. No more leaving the house for a day and spending the following three days in bed recovering. It was the year I was busy, learning and just being able to live.

Fast forward to now, I’ve spent the past year searching yet failing to find work. I’ve moved back to my family leaving the city and area I grew to love behind. A year of learning I don’t have enough experience to enter into jobs which I guess is a side effect of actually being unable to work for years. It was a year of hoping that things would improve, seeing glimpses of something great but just missing the chance to grab hold of it. A year filled with a little bit of fear that things could suddenly go back to how they were when my health declined. Where once again I’d be confined to my bed after having coffee with a friend.

So here I am, laying in the same room that once slept my productive past self. Just a couple of days ago I was driving up to the nearby city to attend a job interview. Once again the glimmer of hope that things could be improving. The hope that even if this one doesn’t happen, that it is still progress in the right direction. With the hope that once I do enter into work that my health will allow me to continue. Laying here with hope that the past and current struggles will be worth it when things finally work out.

Love, Me