Today I Feel

Today I feel drained and exhausted. Today the weather is on my side.

Here in New Zealand it is currently summer. The days have mostly been sunny and hot which isn’t my favourite but I can still enjoy a sunny day. Yesterday was one of those days, mostly blue sky all around and the sun shinning so warmly. I have still been feeling unwell from whatever head cold or flu I got last week but I made the most of the chance for a road trip and spent the day tagging along as a passenger. Enjoying the nice day and the change of scenery. It was exhausting for me though and I actually fell asleep pretty quickly and early last night.

This morning though my body was punishing me for it. I woke up super exhausted and feeling a little bit sicker than the day before. Today though the weather is on my side. When I finally got out of bed properly for the day I noticed it had become quite overcast and then before I knew it the rain had set in. The house was a bit darker, the air a bit cooler and there’s the calming pitter patter of the rain.

When it rains, especially in summer something in my mind switches and it allows me to take the day slower without guilt. I don’t have the self inflicted pressure to be productive or go out and do something. The rain allows me to happily stay at home inside and just relax. Rest is something I definitely need today too. It is still warm enough to have my windows wide open which brings in the relaxing sounds of the rainfall and the cooler breeze which is both refreshing and relaxing.

Today my mind feels lighter. Today my mind can be calm.

Love, Me

This Time Of Year Again

Holidays and my Birthday are something I’ve always struggled with. For years I’ve never really enjoyed the last few months of the year. With November starting off with my Birthday and then December being filled with Christmas and ending with New Years celebrations. They all seem to trigger my feelings of loneliness and feelings of not doing enough.

There seems to be this expectation surrounding these days where you need to be surrounded by people or doing something special. Birthdays with being spoiled or some sort of party with friends. Christmas with family time and then theres the New Years kiss. Everything seems to have this societal pressure that you need people around or gifts given and received. This isn’t always what happens though and it’s easy to fall into the thinking that something is missing.

This year my Birthday was spent feeling sick with a bunch of napping. The naps are great but being sick wasn’t too nice. There was no plans made and it would appear to be just like any other day for someone looking in. The small things that made it though were the messages throughout the day from someone special to me. The short phone call from a friend and messages wishing me well. The few people who, though separated by distance, took time to check in. It can be so easy for me to fall into the trap of thinking no one is around and the feelings of being lonely start creeping up. When I look at it with a clearer mind though I can see all the things that made me smile and the people that made me feel cared about. Even though I didn’t get to see them in person.

It is these small parts that I’m going to try focus on during the rest of the holidays. I plan to put a little more effort into Christmas myself and when people are off seeing their other families or friends I’ll try put more effort into just taking care of myself. The same goes with New Years. It has always been the time when I’ve felt the most lonely and depressed. Underneath it all though it is just another day/night. This year I shall try focus on self-care for myself, treating myself and reaching out to the people I care about to share a kind message or thought.

How do you find the holidays?

Love, Me

Re-introduction

I have been around on WordPress for a few years now but thought it was a good time to reintroduce myself. Within that time I’m sure many people have come and gone, bringing new readers and fresh faces who have no idea who this person is suddenly writing again.

So hello! I’m Sinead but I also use ‘Me’ a lot on my blog (more on that later). I am lucky enough to live in New Zealand and love that I can call it home.

When I was around 19 I was diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Fibromyalgia. Chronic Fatigue Syndrome is also known as M.E which is where my blog got it’s name inspiration from. The play on words with M.E and me (myself). Blogging became a place to share my experiences and have an outlet.

My Chronic Fatigue Syndrome has been up and down for the past few years with some moments easing up enough for me to do different things. Such as studying for a year and working almost full time for a year. Then things go downhill again other years and I can’t do nearly as much.

I am now 26 (well will be within a few days/ week). This year has been filled with new challenges. I finally spoke to my doctor about my mental health after trying to deal with it alone since I was a teen. My doctor said I had severe depression and anxiety which kickstarted another health journey of medication and therapy.

Me as a person though has a range of interests. Gaming, baking, makeup, skincare, crystals and nature forming part of who I am. These things will hopefully be shown more often here as I become more comfortable on sharing other aspects on who I am.

I hope you enjoy it here enough to stay. I’m not always consistent but I try. It’s a glimpse into my life, my life that is sometimes all over the place and definitely not perfect.

Love, Me (Sinead)

Yes, Universe

‘You haven’t written on your blog for a while. Maybe you should do more on there’ ‘I found a story you wrote when you were younger’

These were both uttered by my mother within the last couple of weeks. Out of nowhere but both seemingly linking together. Writing and I have been intertwined since I was a kid but lately are becoming more and more separated.

I have been feeling lost in life. Jumping from one hobby to the next trying to find the thing that sticks. The thing that ignites the fire within and sends joy throughout my body. That thing hasn’t found it’s way to me, or at least I haven’t been open enough to let it take hold of me and accept it.

I have been thinking about what mum has said. The little mentions about writing which came at a time when I was actively wondering what my souls purpose and desires are. I think it’s time I listened to the little signs and start putting my thoughts into words.

I don’t know where this will lead me, what I will do or how often I’ll be around but for now in this moment it feels right to write.

Love, Me