Her Struggle

She walked into a room full of people, faces that she recognised from other events but didn’t know personally. A few people she knew but not well enough to feel like she could start a conversation with. There were so many people there and she wondered what would happen for the rest of the night.

She would stick close to the person she came with and stayed by their side, sitting in a chair to the side of the room where it wasn’t as busy. She would look around at everyone talking and having fun with their friends. It seemed like everyone there knew a lot of people if not everyone. She was looking and watching people from a distance, but then felt bad, what if they saw her looking and thought she was staring at them. She didn’t want people to think badly of her. So she went back to looking at the ground and trying not to make eye contact with people when she did look around.

She talked to her friend a bit and tried to join in conversations when a few people came over but most of the time they weren’t talking to her so she kept quiet, at least that’s what she thought. She knew that she should be talking to more people but she didn’t know how. She didn’t know what to say when going over to someone, or how to keep a conversation going. She felt like she couldn’t just go over to someone she didn’t know and say hi.

She had always felt like this, it wasn’t something new. She hardly got invited to events and when she did she always felt shy and like she didn’t fit in. Her family would always ask if she talked to anyone but she never did and if she did it wouldn’t have been for long. She would watch people dancing and having fun with their friends and would want to be able to do that too. Something was holding her back, fear and anxiety. Would this ever change? As she got older would she find social events easier? That and so many other questions she didn’t know the answers to.

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